Snack Insanity

by Ashley Carufel

After midnight, my brain stops functioning normally; however, excessive schoolwork occasionally forces me to stay up.
Last Wednesday I had to prepare for two midterms and write a three-page paper. Since I procrastinated like a pro, I knew from the start that I had a long night ahead. I secluded myself in a computer lab in Ivory Tower, and there were two obnoxious guys already in there. Tweedle-Dee and Tweedle-Annoying were giggling at techno music and anime shorts, and my patience was thinning.
"Hey, can you watch our shit? We're grabbing a Pita."
Around 2:30 a.m. the Tweedles left me to cure their munchies, but my brain had turned to the dark side- my body was swaying like Ray Charles as I typed, my hair was inxplicable from raking my hands through it, and my feet- well they were fine, they're feet. Anyway I was staring at the wall, but the asinine techno music was making it impossible to focus on anything. Like I said- I lose normal brain function after midnight. Well the Tweedles had a lot of "shit": several bags, three jackets (for 2 guys?), their laptops...and a box of Cheez-Its.
Cheez-Its are awesome. Cheez-Its are salty. Cheez-Its had to be mine immediately. You would of thought I was staring at Brad Pitt in cheese cracker form- I. wanted. their. Cheez-Its.
Operation Cracker Nab became a battle of my morals over my sudden hunger. Everytime someone walked by the glass door to the lab I would jerk in fear that the Tweedles would catch me making eyes at their gold box of joy.
I was never the fastest kid in gym class. I got winded carrying a pumpkin uphill last weekend. But my friends, I tell you- I would have won an Olympic medal.

I took their box of Cheez-Its.
They were stale.